Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
