if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You were trust falling into bushes
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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