so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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