My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize