I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
