I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
