you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
