just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize