my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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