Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Randomize
