We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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