OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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