I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
