oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
