Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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