perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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