If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
