I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
