Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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