I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
