i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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