i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
