I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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