Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
