Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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