I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
