I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
