Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
