Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
