Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?