sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
