my room smells like sperm. sweet.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
