Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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