I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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