true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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