as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
