Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize