just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
