he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
