i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
