Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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