This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
