I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
