I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The struggles of a small town man whore
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I supernannyed him into submission
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
