'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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