Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
This is my gift to your gina
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
