Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
