I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
