I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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