Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
