He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
