Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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