I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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