i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
