so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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