Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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