I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
How does it feel to date your dad?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
