Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
