but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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