I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
