Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
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I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
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He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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