cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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