My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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