i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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