The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
