okay pat passed out under dana's car
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
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He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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