DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
