She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
