so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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