Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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