I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
