It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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