ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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