It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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