Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
