i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Drunk is not a location!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
