Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
