I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
