no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I want her autograph on my taint
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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