I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
