You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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