I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
