i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
