Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
