He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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